


I lost My Berings

by Viharistenno



Series: The Prodigal Agent [2]
Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/F, Post Instinct fix-it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-06-12 12:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15339489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viharistenno/pseuds/Viharistenno
Summary: In the beginning this was just a fix-it, then it became a therapeutic writing for me as I included some things that weren't said in the show and then the plot just happened...





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nighty_lonely_night](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nighty_lonely_night/gifts).



I just stand there on the driveway thinking… Thinking about the spoken and the unspoken words of the last minute or so as I watch the car disappear into the suburban night. I feel something was taken from me, something I didn’t remember I had. I look at the window and I see Adelaide reciting the “Amazing Adventure” she just had and… I wonder. Who am I kidding here? I didn’t speak with Myka for months because I knew she would see right through all of it in just seconds. She comes with her famous observational skills and shake me out of my beautifully crafted façade. What I didn’t expect is her telling me to live happily ever after anyway. Well thank you hurricane Myka, for this perfectly implemented disaster of unearthing utterly buried feelings. Would you like to advise me what direction shall I be following now? 

Going back to the house I take a deep breath to relive my body from the screaming tension and the race of thoughts. I have to be calm and prepared for the inevitable talk with Nate and I am really not sure what the outcome will be. As soon as he sees me, he smiles but inches closer to his daughter. I don’t think he is actually aware that he did but now I know where we stand. I cannot really blame him for that move. As Adelaide finishes her story, Nate sends her off to shower, tells her she can skip school tomorrow. Then he sits back on the couch, looks at me with eyes more afraid than curious and asks.

“So you want to tell me who you really are?”  
“Now is as good a time as ever.” I take a long breath and continue. “My name is Helena Wells, I participated in secret government operations which I obviously cannot talk about, but what I can say is that in our line of work this would have been just a regular Monday. Both agents Bering and Lattimer were my colleagues, but I retired… Sort of. Only it seems my past has resurfaced.”  
“Why did you never tell me? I deserve to know who I let into my family. I don’t even know who you are!” he doesn’t shout but that is all because he doesn’t want to warn Adelaide. I can tell he is angry, and again, I cannot blame him. I remain calm though.  
“I wanted to have a normal life with a normal person. I wanted to shield you both from my past deeds, which it seems was both a selfish and a foolish decision. I am indeed sorry for deceiving you, but I really thought it was better that way. If it’s any consolation to you, I think I deceived myself as well.” no point in being anything else than honest now, is it?  
“What do you mean by deceiving yourself? Is it about your daughter?” he asks and my breathing is caught in my throat for a moment, just enough for him to see the shock on my face “I asked agent Lattimer if you lost someone and he told me. That’s all I know.” he is not so furious anymore, just has plain hurt in his eyes. I have to close mine to concentrate on remaining calm – at least on the surface.  
“Yes.” as I slowly open them again I meet his gaze. He already knows. “Christina was the same age as Adelaide when I lost her.” I have to hang on tight to the armrest not to lose control. “It was a robbery gone wrong and I wasn’t there to save her. That is why I became attached so easily to your daughter.”  
“And to me.” I nod. “So I can tell you adore Adelaide and this time you were able to save the innocent but what now? Are you actually happy with us?” I look at him questioningly.  
“Why are you asking?”  
“Sometimes I saw you when you didn’t know I was looking and you were kind of bored. You had a distant look on your face. Now at least I know why.” I’m really not prepared to answer but as I guessed earlier, he already knows. I couldn’t have spent the last six months with a complete idiot, could I.  
“Until today I was certain that I am.”  
“And now?”  
“Now I’m not so sure anymore.”  
“Okay Emi…” He stops, takes a deep breath and resumes “Helena, isn’t it?” I nod slowly “I think we both need some sleep to process this and we can come back to it later.” I feel relieved. At least I can sort out my thoughts until then.  
“I’ll sleep on the couch.” I say quickly. No hard feelings but I do need some time alone. It seems he isn’t surprised and even likes the idea. “I’ll just give a goodnight kiss to Adelaide if it is okay to you.”  
“Sure, go ahead.”

***

Adelaide looks at me with sleepy eyes but grins anyway. “I knew you had amazing adventures!” I can’t help but smile at her  
“Yes, you were right.”  
“Helena why did you leave all that behind?” the innocent truthfulness of a bright child gets to me and a tear slides down on my face. In a moment I find myself hugged strongly by surprisingly comforting little arms. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell if it hurts.” I push back a little and hold her gaze.  
“No, I actually want to. I really loved what we did, and I guess I still do. But I lost so much I had to get out.” she watches me with an understanding gaze.  
“When mom became sick, she told me something. She said ‘Losing someone should not take you away from being who you are. Don’t lose your smile with me, my little one.’” more tears are coming and I just sit there motionless. Summoning up the last reserved strength I have I clear my throat and find the words  
“I don’t want to leave you. I caused so much pain in the world already and you really don’t deserve it.” she just looks at me with those all-knowing eyes.  
“Helena, you are not happy. You might be content but not at all happy with dad.”  
“How do you…” she doesn’t even let me finish.  
“You taught me to observe, remember? Also if you caused pain, I’m sure you can make it up somehow or at least try if you don’t run from it.” oh she is good, she is really good  
“So what do you propose, oh my little master of observation?” now I see her smile again.  
“Leaving means never ever to talk or meet again. That’s what happened with mom. As you are alive and this is the age of telecommunication as I heard, we will be able to communicate and even meet when it is possible.”  
“You sure you’re not an adult in a child’s disguise?”  
“I had therapy. And I really like you, so I want you to be happy. I saw that the agent lady made you both nervous and thrilled and I never saw that on you before.” she makes me chuckle.  
“I think I unleashed a new Sherlock Holmes to the world. So you would be okay with a… Long distance stepmother relationship?” she laughs at my phrasing.  
“One correction: Long distance happy stepmother relationship. Way better than a close distance bitter one.”  
“I love you Adelaide. You don’t know how much of a service you just did to me. Sleep now, we will have tomorrow to make a plan for the future.” I kissed her goodnight and switched of the light.

***

I close the curtains of the living room and leave the small lamp by the sofa on. Of course I cannot sleep. My mind races through all the things of today and all the things before. Be honest with yourself, Helena George Wells, all you can think about is agent Myka Bering. It would be foolish to deny any longer. I even sacrificed my life for her at one point. Well it certainly is easier than taking the risk of loving someone with all your heart and giving them the possibility of hurting you. But those eyes throughout the day… I was being selfish and by protecting myself I brought upon an even greater misery to the one person I care about the most. I love the most. The one person who knows me better than anyone else. And she must also love me deeply because you don’t tell someone to be happy with someone else and mean it in any other case. She thought she lost me and I told her she would never lose me. But she did lose me for a while here. She was so afraid… And I was too. I didn’t tell her how sorry I am, that I didn’t realise until now how much I miss her and how much I love her. I didn’t tell her to just take me with her. I have to make things right or, as my young master said earlier, at least try. With that decision, I fall asleep. 


	2. Chapter Two

I wake with the sun. I noticed it is not so much present in this century. This time however, I hear some rustling from Nate’s bedroom, so I guess he didn’t get too much sleep either. I get up and start to make some coffee for him and tea for myself and proceed to readying breakfast. Nate comes down, greets me, accepts the coffee with a faint ‘Thank you’ and sits down at the kitchen table. He looks at me quizzically.   
“I don’t remember ever waking up before you.”  
“I am quite an early bird I suppose.”  
“But at least I know now what kept you from sleeping or caused you nightmares.”  
“That is correct.” I remember him shaking me to wake up several times but I never told him what my nightmares were about: Mostly waking up in the dark again, being immobile, but sometimes I was forced to relive my frenzy from Warehouse 2 up until Yellowstone.   
“So you have a past that sometimes catches up to you?”  
“It has an awful habit of resurfacing time and time again, yes.” I put some French toast on the table and I sit down across from him with my tea. How shall I start? Before I know, Nate beats me to it.   
“I’m not sure I can do this.” okay, I play along.  
“You mean the French toast or us?” I just had to. Have I already mentioned that I really am bad at breakups? At least he laughs a little. “Sorry. Do continue.”  
“It’s okay, jokes are always good to break the tension,” he smiles at me “but I have to be honest, yesterday was the second worst day of my life. Right after the day I lost Adelaide’s mother. And I don’t think you can promise me it will never happen again.” I have to agree with that.   
“I think you are right. And I am prepared to let you live your normal suburban family life, as I am prepared to return to my not-so-normal one, but I must ask you a favour of sorts.” I sense some suspicion which is appropriate in the circumstances “Actually two. First, don’t tell anyone that I am anything other than Emily Lake, forensic scientist.”  
“That’s okay.” he nods.   
“Second, let Adelaide communicate with me if she wants to.” he gives a snort at that.  
“Like I could stop her…” he sighs “There is no going back now, is it?” I reach across the table and hold his hand reassuringly.   
“The people I work with can and will protect her and you, I can promise that.”  
“How can you be so sure?”  
“They save the world twice a month. Regularly. Sometimes even once a week.” his eyes are wide open.   
“That’s a little overwhelming.”  
“Yes. One of the things that made me leave.”  
“Then why are you going back?”  
“Because I cannot walk away from my truth. “ I laugh internally a I feel the déja vu ” That is where I belong.” this is going easier than I imagined. Does that mean I am actually doing the right thing here?  
“Can I have one more question?” he asks  
“Certainly.”  
“Was there also a ‘who’ you walked away from?”   
“How on earth did you come up with that? For a person allegedly not knowing me you seem to get quite a grip on the aspect of my emotional life.” he just laughs wholeheartedly.   
“I tell you a secret. You never ever looked at me like you looked at agent Bering.” I just gasp. Is it that obvious?  
“Yes," he goes on as if reading my thoughts "you don’t really need detective skills for that. Also I really hope you noticed that the look was mutual. Strangely I am supposed to be hurt, but… I’m not. I guess my subconscious knew it all along and also you never actually told me you loved me. As I didn’t either.”   
“Then why…?” my voice just trails off.   
“Because I could see you loved my daughter with true sincerity. Listen, Helena, I lost the love of my life and I accepted that I won’t ever feel that way again with anyone. But Adelaide, my daughter needs a woman she can trust in her life. And she trusts you. Destiny is quite ironic sometimes.” I feel my eyes are tearing up again but I manage to hold them back.   
“Thank you.” I whisper quietly.   
“One more thing.” he looks at me very seriously now.   
“Yes?”  
“We never know how much time we have. And that must be especially true for your line of work. Don’t waste it. Tell her the minute you get back there. That is a favour I ask of you.”  
“Alright.” he doesn't seem satisfied with my answer, because his gaze gets a little more stern if it is even possible.  
“Promise me.”   
“I promise I will tell Myka that I love her as soon as I get there.” probably this was what he wanted to hear as his darkened features light up again.   
“Good. Then it's settled.” I feel blessed by his words and for the first time in over a century, I feel my anxieties lifted from my shoulders, if only for just a few moments.  
“Do I smell breakfast?” chimes a cheerful voice from the stairs.   
“Good morning, darling, have a seat. I prepare some French toast to you as well.”   
“My favourite!”

***

The rest of the morning was spent with packing, both Nate and Adelaide helped me. Nate wasn’t surprised that his daughter already knew what was going on. We finished just before lunch. Meanwhile I called the police station and quit saying “My job description doesn’t include being attacked by detectives and District Attorneys.” they didn’t really ask any other questions. After our last meal together, I stand there again on the driveway, trying not to cry again. Nate hugs me, gives a kiss on my forehead and wishes me luck. Then I kneel down to hug Adelaide and she just whispers to me “This is not a goodbye Helena, this is a new beginning.” I cannot stop my tears from falling and I see that she is barely holding up.  
“I cannot thank you enough. Both of you.” she wipes away my tears and kisses my cheeks “Drive carefully.” is the last thing she says before the sobs claim her voice. I pull her close, soothing her as much as I can, knowing there is nothing I can do to make it easier for her. I’m surprised she actually made it this far. “I will send you a device that will allow you to contact me day and night whenever you need to. It’s safe.” this seems to work, because the sobs calm down a little and as she looks at me, she has a small smile on her flushed face. “And I come to see you when I can of course.” she nods and slowly lets me go. This time I am the one who gets in the car and drives away. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters, I hope you'll like it as well :)

After what it seemed to be an eternity, I arrive in Univille, South Dakota, just outside of a certain Bed & Breakfast facility, checking out if anyone is still awake to notice me. Only two lights are on, one upstairs, in the room I remember belonging to a curly haired bookworm and one downstairs which is not so bad, because at least I don’t have to break in to be able to talk to Myka. As I approach the building, I notice Claudia over her laptop through the window, and I send a silent ‘Thank you’ for whomever was listening that it wasn’t Artie or Pete. So I go to the back door which is facing her, hoping not to alert her or at least not too much. I enter quietly and put my finger to my lips as to indicate her to remain silent as well. As Claudia looks at me, her eyes widen and she covers her mouth not to scream in delight. I smile at her with open arms and she rushes into my embrace. “I’m so happy to see you, I missed you so much!” she whispers and before I can say anything, she pulls away and looks at me questioningly “Wait, are you here why I think you‘re here?”   
“What exactly do you mean by that?” she points to the roof with her index finger. “Oh… Was that really this obvious?” Claudia nods a hundred times. “Bollocks.” she’s now trying not to laugh so openly. I continue with a sigh “Anyway, I think I shall be heading upstairs. Do you agree?” again, a hundred nods “Wish me luck, then.” at that she grabs my upper arms and the smile is suddenly gone.   
“HG, you don’t need luck. Just… Don’t disappear again. For her sake.”   
“I won’t. Promise. And thank you, darling.” her radiant smile comes back and she actually pushes me in the direction of the stairs along with a “Now go-go-go!”

***

I make it quietly up the stairs and pause at Myka’s door. I haven’t noticed I was this nervous until I got here. Well, now or never, there is no going back. I knock softly on the door and wait for a response. Almost inaudible footsteps near the other side of the door and Myka opens it saying “Pete, I already told you I didn’t want…” and never finishing that sentence. She looks at me like I was an apparition. “Am I dreaming again?” oh sweet Myka, have I visited you in your sleep? How can I ever undo the suffering I have put you through…?  
“No, I’m actually here.”  
“Why? How?”  
“Is it too late to tell you that I love you so profoundly that I panicked and had to run away?” she stands there, not taking her eyes off me, not even blinking. Slowly she swallows, reaches out to take my hand, grabs it looking down and when she is certain that it is solid, swiftly drags me into the room and closes the door without letting me go. The next thing I feel is her lips on mine, and she tastes better than I ever imagined. I relax and lean into her kiss, I feel her arms around my waist and I have to hold on to her neck because I feel my knees are giving away and my mind just goes blank. Everything I wanted to say vanished, what remains is her sweet taste, her firm embrace and her soul caressing presence. After what it feels like an eternity of bliss, she breaks away just enough to allow us to breathe and touches her forehead with mine, still embracing me with closed eyes. I shut mine as well, absently stroking her hair, feeling this intimacy I longed for every time they summoned me from the Janus coin. I guess it was present below the world-ending rage too, before I was separated from my body. And then suddenly it all comes back, and I take a deep breath, open my eyes and I start.  
“Myka, I…”  
“Shh…” she looks at me and I melt under her affectionate gaze. “We will talk about everything, because trust me, I have quite a lot to say to you too, just… Not now. Or... Maybe just one thing. Are you staying?” a flash of anxiety in her eyes.  
“Yes. Whatever it takes. I’m not leaving you again.” for that I get the brightest and most beautiful smile I ever saw from her.  
“Good. I think I… I wouldn’t be able to let you go anymore.” seeing her like this, so vulnerable, I am certain that she needed every last bit of strength she had to say those words for me yesterday. I want her to feel, to know that I will do everything that I am capable of and more to keep her from hurting again. I hold her tight and she leans her head on my shoulder. Feeling her deep breaths on my neck, it makes my whole body shiver.  
“I didn’t think I had that effect on you.” she whispers softly in my neck and I can both hear and feel that she’s smiling.  
“Oh, stop it, you managed to persuade me to quit my plan on destroying the world and you really didn’t think you’d have that effect on me?” she just laughs and I raise my eyebrows “Agent Bering, are you making fun of me?” and she looks at me again and I melt, again. I’m just realising that I might be facing a lifetime of melting under this woman’s unequalled gazes and I cannot care less. Took me long enough. This time I kiss her, with all the love and passion and desire I have for her and I feel her responding, her hands not on my waist anymore but caressing my body, from my hair all the way down to my bottom. I relish in feeling the passion emanating from her and as I feel the last bits of my control slip away, I know I have to stop. I break away catching my breath, feeling a little dizzy, not losing contact, I put my hands on her shoulders partly for support and partly to be able to hold off this beautiful woman whose eyes are ignited with desire, probably mirroring mine, just for a little longer.  
“Myka wait…” I hear a painful groan from her at this “I know, and I’m utterly sorry, because believe me, there is nothing I want more right now than you, but we can’t do this just yet. We have to sort things out.”  
“I know… But I don’t have to be happy about it.” I let out a soft chuckle and she glares at me the most adorable way possible.  
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Also, since I don’t really have a bed right now and it’s sort of late…”  
“You’re staying here. I really don’t… want to be alone after all this. I might…” she’s hesitating if she should continue, but she eventually does ”…think this was just a dream.” my breathing becomes harder and I feel my sight blur a little.  
“I am so sorry, Myka. You didn’t deserve nightmares from me.”  
“Well, not that the dreams were bad, though not as good as the last few minutes I must say, but waking up finding the reality here. Just… Be with me tonight. Please.” I think I see plain fear in her eyes.  
“Of course.” I’m trying to be reassuring “However, can I borrow a shirt of yours, darling? I left everything in the car, outside. I didn’t really have plans after the knock on the door I suppose.” she smiles and hands me a shirt and a short. “Thank you! Mind if I change in the bathroom? I don’t want to be any more of a distraction than I am already.” she laughs a little and when I turn away to go in the bathroom she adds  
“Your mere presence is more of a distraction than anything I’ve ever encountered.” I look over my shoulder with a smirk  
“And yet you crave for more.” and that is all it takes to make Myka blush so deeply she has to break eye contact. So I leave the room with a victorious smile, clean myself up a little and change into the borrowed nightwear. When I enter, she is already in her bed, the only illumination is a small lamp at her side on the nightstand. I slip under the sheets on the other side and lie down on my back, feeling her gaze I turn my head to face her. I see a well of emotions I cannot exactly tell apart from each other.  
“Care to share with the class, Ms Bering?”  
“I never thought this will be how I get to… share a bed with you.”  
“I’d really love to hear about the other ideas sometime.” and she blushes again, but this time she holds my eyes with hers and I see all the welled up longing, hurt, fear, love and the joy of the moment and I hug her. I want to make her feel safe. As we lay back, she rests her head on my chest, has her arm around my waist and I have mine around her back, gently caressing as sleep claims us. 


	4. Chapter Four

Something wakes me… I hear a soft whimper coming from Myka. A faint sob. I wonder how I actually heard it while sleeping. It pains me to see her like this. I caress her face gently, whispering  
“It’s just a dream, darling. Everything will be alright.” a deep intake of breath and she clutches my hand with a force of a cramp, so I continue “Breathe now, it was just a dream. You are safe here.”  
“It wasn’t just a dream” her voice sounds distant, she lets go of my hand and snuggles closer. “When Leena told us what happened when the bomb went off, it triggered something in my subconscious. It may be an echo of the original timeline, or just my imagination, but it certainly feels real.”   
“Tell me.” she raises her head and looks at me. The moonlight pouring in through the window illuminates her face and glints on her unshed tears. I know this look. It mirrors the one I see in some of my dreams.   
“You already know.” I feel the pain emanating from her.  
“What happened, yes. But your thoughts or maybe your feelings about it? No.” I brace myself for anything and everything. She sits up, switches on the small reading lamp on the nightstand and looks down on me.   
“Helena, I watched you die. How do you think it feels? At least I don’t dream this every night because it could actually drive me crazy. A part of me died with you. I felt hollow. And when I wake up, I feel this… Loss. I feel devastated. Helpless. I want to feel angry at you but I can’t because you sacrificed yourself to save us.” I sit up as well, fold my legs and reach out to hold her hand without breaking eye contact.   
“But you all collaborated in the alteration of time and the rest of us were salvaged.”  
“Maybe so, but I lost you anyways. And for that, I _am_ quite angry with you.” The truth hurts sometimes and this one makes me look away. Though I still hold her hand and she doesn’t release mine.   
“I don’t think an apology, or anything I could say would soothe the hurt or the anger I caused. I just want you to know,” with a sigh I look back up “that I will not be the source of any more pain to you. Not if I can help it.” she squeezes my hand and I see a faint smile on her face.  
“You don’t get to erase it one night, but that’s a start.” then the smile disappears and her eyes become fiery darts in a mere moment “Just to make sure you know… You decided for me and you left without a word. Don’t you dare do any of them _again_.” I have to swallow but that does not ease the knot in my throat. Then she softens and with a warm smile adds “You look like you are afraid.”   
“I am terrified. But I have to face my fears to conquer them.”  
“What are you afraid of?”  
“That I will hurt you anyway. With me it’s bound to happen sooner or later because it always does. You know my reputation.”  
“I am well aware that Oscar Wilde was the only person you couldn’t seduce.” I blink in surprise  
“Where did you learn that? Never mind. I’m pretty sure I do not wish to know.” she laughs and it relieves some of my anxiety. “I have to add to that I was not known being faithful and I really, really do not wish to be unfaithful to you in any form. Also, I was infamous for my success rate in my relationships turning out disastrous.” this time she has a look of genuine concern.  
“And this is why you left?”  
“Partly, yes. I thought distancing myself prevents me from hurting you. Then I learned that I just made it worse.”  
“How?”   
“I saw you and I felt it, just as I feel it right now. And I can only hope that I will not make it apocalyptic by being back here. I just… Couldn’t stay away from you any longer. Not after yesterday.” she closes the small distance between us and hugs me with a fierceness that leaves me in tears. Her soft voice is a soothing balm for my aching soul.   
“I think I need to repeat myself. Helena, I wish you could stop that. You are not a bad person. This might not work for us, which I seriously doubt, but let us find it out together. It is okay for you to be afraid and it is okay for me to be angry and hurt. We can still wish to be close to each other despite all these.” I bury my face in her hair holding on as if my life depended on it. And it does. For I know now that whatever I did in my past, it doesn’t matter anymore. I wish I knew how I deserve the love of this beautiful and brilliant woman. We lie back down, bodies entwined and we are blessed with dreams without nightmares for the rest of the night.

***

This time I am awake even before the sun. Strangely despite lacking sleep in the past two nights, I’ve never felt so well rested before in my life. I feel incredibly energised, content and I feel… Loved. _Home_. Somehow for just a little while everything feels perfect. I lift my head from Myka’s shoulder only to find her well awake, my silly smile reflected on her face.  
“I could get used to this.” she whispers  
“In that case, you will need to sleep more.” my response is half joking half serious, with a lingering concern while clearly not thinking about what her comment might suggest.  
“Why sleep when the reality so much better?”  
“Agent Bering, you should mind your words lest the world finds out you are a hopeless romantic.”  
“If by the world you mean you, I don’t mind, because you should already know that by now.”  
“Falling in love and bearing with me did suggest such occurrence.” I snuggle closer to her neck inhaling the scent of her skin, placing feathery kisses right along her jawline and I feel Myka is shivering under my touch.  
“Don’t start something you cannot finish…” she whispers between two ragged breaths and I sigh deeply – into her neck of course – and lift my head up just to see her dilated pupils. I have never met anyone whose gaze was so intense it could make me come.  
“Good to know, we will get back on that one later.” I just realise I said it aloud and I feel my cheeks flush and her playful smile makes it even worse.  
“I am defenceless against you.” the playful smile becomes tender, her free hand caresses my hair and my face.  
“Is this the other reason you are afraid?”  
“Yes…” I admit. “Just to be clear, I’m not afraid of you ever hurting me, because you would never do such thing intentionally. But I am afraid of hurting because of you. Losing you on my terms, I could live with that, but to simply lose you…” my voice breaks but I need to finish so I swallow hard and get out the rest “It would destroy me. Permanently.” she wipes away the tears I didn’t notice I am shedding.  
“And yet you wonder how I feel about seeing you blowing up along with the warehouse.”  
“I had to save you whatever the cost. The world needs a Myka Bering, but it does not need a Helena Wells.” her tender eyes hold mine as her voice turns into a slightly scolding tone.  
“You always forget that in order to be that particular Myka Bering, the one the world needs, a Helena Wells is indeed, also necessary. You are irreplaceable to me and such sacrifice would take away something I might never recover: Hope.” I sit up, momentarily breaking our eye-contact, because it makes me too emotional. I lean my back against the headrest, draw up my knees and bury my face in my palms.  
“I can only wish to live up to this honour.” I mutter through my hands and I feel hers on mine. As I look back at her now sitting cross-legged in front of me, I cannot decipher the emotions she radiates at the moment.  
“You still don’t get it, do you? That you already have. You don’t need to be someone else, or your moderated version. Just be yourself, the one underneath the arrogance, the one who you couldn’t be one hundred years ago. You are not alone anymore. I’m here for you, always. The others are here too because they love you, you’ll see. And we have Abigail to help you as well.” I feel as though I am going to burst with all the emotions cursing through my soul. Gratitude, love, then a moment of peace. Still curious.  
“Abigail?”  
“She took over the Bed and Breakfast. She was… Is? It’s not exactly clear right now, but she is a qualified therapist and she offered to help us. I’m sure that includes you too.” to help _us_. My thoughts go to the other inhabitants of the premises and I start to wonder about the close future.  
“Then I suppose I shall go and ask her personally.” she looks a little relieved. I am not surprised. “You’re nervous. Why?” now I am.  
“Well, it is clearly very hard for me to ask for help but since I am a little perplexed about myself at the moment, I do need any help I am offered. I don’t know how the others will react, except Claudia who was thrilled to see me last night, but still. I don’t know if I will actually be allowed to remain here, to work here again, as it is the fifth time I’m coming back. Surely there must be a limit. But how did you know?” she has that tender smile again, gently stroking my arms and my shins.  
“You always fidget with your hair when you are nervous or stressed.” she knows me too well. “And if anyone has the guts to tell you that you can’t be here, I’m sure as hell going with you.” and to reaffirm, she leans in and kisses me with a force I can only surrender to. She makes my worries go away for a while, just to be here, in the present with her, with all that love surrounding me, transfixing me and protecting me even from myself. She pulls away to let us breathe but never stops touching me. I enjoy her caress with my eyes still closed. How could I ever run from her embrace? I slowly open my eyes meeting hers.  
“You are more of an Endless Wonder than the Warehouse itself.” she grins  
“You know how to compliment a woman.”  
“There are advantages of being a Victorian lady at this century.” at that moment the first rays of the morning sun reach me and remind me that my clothes are still in the car. With a deep sigh I give up the warmth of Myka’s presence  
“I am sorry to terminate this moment, but my clothes are in a bag in my car, so I have to get them before anyone else sees me in nightwear. Also, I suppose I shall preoccupy myself before I get jumpy again, but as for you, please do me a favour and rest while you can. This might turn out to be a very long day.”  
“Alright, I’ll rest. And if you want to make an impression, make them breakfast.”  
“Perfect idea, thank you!” I proceed to leave the room in sneakers and the key to the car. When I return retrieving my small bag with a change of clothes Myka has already lied down hugging a pillow – my pillow – to her, breathing deeply and evenly. I could get used to this. I change quickly and leave again to the kitchen so I can prepare some breakfast. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long, I hope you'll like this new chapter :)

There weren’t many ingredients in the fridge or in the kitchen so I have to drive quickly to the little shop nearby to buy even the simplest of things, and I decide the menu will be ham and eggs. I also have to buy tea and milk for myself because all we had in there is some leftover cereal and tons of coffee. When I arrive back, the house is still quiet, so I pack away the commodities I bought and begin to make the breakfast. The first person to emerge from the upstairs bedrooms whistles some silly cartoon tune, his feet hard against the steps. Pete. He must have noticed the scent of the dish – what a surprise – because he is cheering from the diner.  
“Do I smell some endless wonders? Alas, breakfast has returned to this house!” he rounds the corner and sees me. I love how his face shows all his emotions. Happy, then surprised, confused, afraid, then it settles for curious. “You are here, and you are cooking breakfast. Did I get whammied again?”   
“No, you are not under the influence of an artifact, I am indeed here and I am making you some breakfast.” he smiles again, delighted.   
“I didn’t know you can actually cook.” I’m not sure if he just teases me, so I put the eggs on a plate so they wouldn’t burn and turn back to him.  
“Peter, this is just ham and eggs. And you might remember that not long ago I was quite _desperate_ to be a ‘Suburban Housewife’.” now he is laughing loudly.  
“HG, you just said a TV Show reference! There is hope for you! And… Wait, does the past tense mean that you are present tense here?” am I mistaken or he actually looks hopeful?  
“My intention is to be, but probably it is not me who will make the final decision about this situation I suppose.” that is genuine concern on that face. “I would never again hurt her on purpose.” and he believes me. Then suddenly Pete is in my personal space and… _Hugs me._ After a moment of awkwardness I give in and hug him back. It is so strange remembering how much I – well – despised him at the beginning, not understanding why Myka adored him so much. I might have even been a little jealous as well. Later I saw the love, the loyalty and the ever present cheer underneath that tiresome boyish demeanour of his and look at me now. Look at us. We are forever united through a deep love we share for a woman we both cannot live without. One of the strongest bonds I can imagine. I would never admit it but I wish Charles was more like him. He releases me from his embrace and smiles at me saying   
“Welcome home!” then an idea comes to his mind – dear, even Trailer is harder to read and he is a dog – and continues “Are you willing to take on breakfast duty?” well, I’m not much of a sleeper anyway.  
“Yes, Peter, I am.” he blinks. Twice.   
“You are serious.” right now I would say I am a little confused.   
“Why wouldn’t I be?”   
“Okay, contrary to popular belief, I can make my own breakfast. And if I make you do that, she’ll kill me.”   
“Oh.” now he has a huge grin on his face.   
“Yeah. But I do enjoy some treats once in a while.” wow, Pete actually fooled me for a while here. I might need to reconsider his intelligence too. I hand him his well-deserved breakfast and he leaves the kitchen with his plate dancing and singing a tune. I cannot help smiling. He is followed by a sleepy Claudia who yawns, waves at me silently and takes coffee with her. As I proceed to make some more ham and eggs, I hear the sound of a paper pile landing on the floor. I look up and I see a shocked Artie standing in the door frame. After a moment of hesitation I decide to greet him.  
“Arthur! It has been a while. Can I offer you something?” then he checks his watch and grumbles  
“About time you got back here.” he looks around making eye-contact with Claudia and Pete, who suddenly busy themselves at the table and as he turns back to me his features soften “Can you lend me a hand here? My ankle is still a little sore from yesterday.”  
“Of course!” I quickly grab and arrange the papers and as I stand up to give them back I see _something_ in his eyes. Something different. All I can tell it is everything but suspicion.   
“I-ah… Thank you.” I am not exactly sure what I am supposed to say but I put down the papers on the nearby counter and as Artie starts fidgeting nervously, I answer “You are most welcome.” not really knowing what I was thanked for. Just when I would turn away to continue my previous morning activities, he continues  
“Helena, wait.” _Helena?_ “Please. I’m not really good at this.” he takes a deep breath “I never really got to thank you for notifying Mrs Frederic. You probably saved the crew and indirectly, the whole world. Again, as you might already know. Except one.” if it is possible, his fidgeting becomes even more nervous and he cannot really look in my eyes, so I listen intently, wanting to see where this leads before interrupting with something unnecessary. I think he realises he has been silent for a while, because he looks as if he is awoken from a trance, his eyes meet mine, and continues “I never knew what drove you to the bronze and then to Yellowstone, but now?” and he trailed off. So that was it. Understanding. Oh, dear…  
“I wish you didn’t. I am terribly sorry you had to experience such a thing. And you need to know you must not blame yourself.”  
“Especially since each and every one of us would have done the same.” a familiar voice adds, as the tall, slender beauty emerges from the same door Artie came through minutes ago. “Beginning with me, Myka ‘Bythemanual’ Bering…”  
“… Closely followed by Claudia ‘Geniouswizkid’ Donovan” I have never seen so many raised eyebrows in one room. At least not in this century, and not directed at me. “What? A girl can dream…” that lovely smirk shows how truly fragile is her self-confidence.   
“… And since the others were not available, up until Pete ‘Readthemanual’ Lattimer.” all of us, even Artie laughs at that and I can feel the general tension relieving a little.   
“Well, you already know I have done such thing.” I add quietly   
“You forgot to mention me.” as the usual minor heart attack subsides, everyone’s attention is on Mrs Frederic who appeared right behind me. “Agent Wells, I hope you enjoyed your leave because we will need you in the field as soon as possible.” this day will go down in history as the Day of Surprises.   
“Pardon? Leave? _Agent?_ ”   
“As your mission concerning the Astrolabe was the longest and hardest part of securing the Warehouse, which you completed perfectly, I decided that after its return you were permitted to take a leave in order to study and integrate into the domestic life of the 21st century.” And she winks at me! I almost feel like screaming and jumping around from joy. Almost. How did this happen?   
“I… I am flattered, Mrs Frederic, but how were you so certain that I will return?”   
“Oh, I had my reasons.” just a millisecond sideways glance in the direction where Myka stands. “I know when someone belongs to the Warehouse, even if _they_ don’t at that particular moment.” the Caretaker’s smile and knowledge of people is sometimes frightening “So, after an evaluation from Miss Cho, I expect you on duty.” Ah, there is the woman I remember.   
“Thank you for your support, Mrs Frederic, and as I was going to visit Miss Cho anyway, my pleasure.”   
“Did someone call my name?” I hear the door to the front entrance close and as our collective attention was distracted I turn back already knowing that Mrs Frederic disappeared. “Can anyone tell me whose overly packed car blocked the driveway?” the voice slowly approaches.  
“In here!” shouts the hitherto silently observing Steven. The body belonging the rich and little raspy voice enters the room.  
“Oh, hi everyone, are we having a kitchen gathering?”   
“I’m afraid it is my fault, along with the overly packed car. My books are quite heavy.”   
“H. G. Wells? It’s nice to finally meet you in person. My name is Abigail Cho” she extends her hand in greeting which I accept gladly. It is warm and soft. Friendly. She has a charming aura, the one that makes you instantly trust the person behind instinctively.   
“It looks like my reputation precedes me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I already mentioned, I'm a really slow writer but I promise I will get there in this century so bare with me, please.

**Author's Note:**

> Please bare with me as I am a very slow writer. I have half of the story already written so I will post that but finishing it might take a while.


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